Denise’s Cancer Journey
Discover Denise’s inspiring journey through multiple cancer battles, and learn how hope, positivity, and support make all the difference.
30 Stories in 30 Days™ // April 2023
Back in 2012, I felt something unusual on the side of my tongue. I went to see my dentist, who referred me to an oral surgeon. That surgeon took a small biopsy of a tumor on the side of my tongue, which showed that this tumor was cancerous. I was referred to a renowned ENT surgeon and underwent my first surgery to remove the tumor. In 2015, I had a recurrence from which I recovered. For five years after that, I was cancer-free—then all hell broke loose.
In 2020, I started noticing discomfort in my mouth—specifically, my jaw, teeth and tongue. I have had six surgeries since then. Having surgery for throat cancer was the worst, since my surgeons had to break my jaw to remove the tumor. I underwent radiation therapy and later developed osteoradionecrosis on the left side of my jaw. I had titanium plates put in to reconstruct my jaw afterwards, which was a 10 hour surgery. I wished I could have been comfortable at home, instead of spending 14 days in the hospital the first time around and 10 days the second time after surgery. But you just have to keep moving forward—failure is not an option.
One of my lowest points was when one surgeon told me my tumor was inoperable. They told me the only option was to initially start with chemotherapy and radiation (again) to possibly shrink the tumor before surgery. I knew how bad radiation was, and did not want to do that. As soon as I talked to the surgeon, I didn’t agree with him. Since I knew it wasn’t the right fit, I got a second and third opinion, and finally went back to the ENT that had initially operated on me. I knew and trusted him since he had gotten me through so many surgeries and cancers so far. I trusted that he would take care of me and help me survive.
But you just have to keep moving forward—failure is not an option.
My surgeon encouraged me to get different opinions from lots of different specialties, which only made me feel more comfortable proceeding with surgery. I definitely felt afraid and doubted whether or not I was doing the right thing, but my friends, family, surgeon, and care team made me feel like I could do it.
Recovery after surgery wasn’t too bad. I rarely took pain medications, and the only moderately painful thing was the skin graft. Overall, the most difficult part was being unable to swallow properly and having to re-learn how to swallow. During the surgery, they took out some of my teeth, and I can’t chew properly. They put in a palatal obturator and dental implants, but I haven’t eaten solid food in three years. Eating is such a basic human need, and being unable to do so is very difficult. Sometimes I just smell the food to get some sense of it when the cravings become overwhelming.
After all this, I asked my surgeon why? “Why do I keep getting this stuff? What’s wrong with me?” My father had a baseball sized tumor in his neck in the early 80s and needed radiation, so I thought maybe I got some genetic predisposition from him. I used to smoke and drink in my early 20s, so I thought maybe that could have increased my risk. But I never engaged in those sorts of things after having my first child at 26. The surgeon couldn’t give me a definitive answer as to why I kept getting these cancers.
You have to tell yourself that you can do this, and surround yourself with people that will remind you of that when you forget it.
I don’t think I can say I’ve reached my highest point yet. Maybe once my PEG tube comes out, that’ll be my high point. As a “doer” who wants to get this whole thing over with, it’s difficult to be patient when progress isn’t happening as quickly as I would like it to. But my advice is: no matter what happens, you have to keep going and have hope. I remember thinking to myself: Whether I like it or not, I’ve been handed these hardships, and I have to survive it.
You have to tell yourself that you can do this, and surround yourself with people that will remind you of that when you forget it. Embrace the power of positive thinking, prayer, and spirituality to propel you through. You just have to keep moving forward—it doesn’t serve you to dwell on it.
Remind yourself that even though it’s not easy, it’s temporary. There were times when I wanted to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head and hide. If you have a bad day, do it and get it out of your system! Because by the next day, you will have already done that, so you’ll realize there’s no use in doing it again.
Remember that you’re not only fighting for yourself, but for everyone who loves you. They want you to stay here with them.
The most important thing is to find the support you need to get you through this. My friends and family kept telling me I could do it, and getting a dog was an amazing decision. When I’m upset, playing with the dog makes me feel better. Also, reading blogs like this one about other people who have gone through it made me realize I wasn’t alone. All those things kept me going. Remember that you’re not only fighting for yourself, but for everyone who loves you. They want you to stay here with them. So, I didn’t do it as much for myself as I did for them. My care team, family, friends, and faith are still getting me through this. I see how hard it is on my husband, and I’m grateful to him.
From My Husband to Other Caregivers
You’ll undoubtedly experience tremendous frustrations, and you’ll have to battle your way through them. Your frustrations are also theirs—they aren’t separate. When you get angry or frustrated, just walk away, change the subject, and deal with it tomorrow. The problem will still be there, but it might look different with fresh eyes.
Interested in Sharing Your Cancer Journey?
For someone recently diagnosed with cancer, reading the stories of other caregivers and survivors can inspire.
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