Brock’s Cancer Journey

Brock // 30 Stories Campaign™ // Oral Cancer Awareness

I really didn’t think anything of it at first, but I did get a little nervous when the nurse came to evaluate my mouth and had no idea what she was looking at. Being that she had never seen anything like it before, she immediately put in a call and had me booked with a Head and Neck specialist the following day. 

I remember stepping out of the taxi… That’s when it hit me… my head started racing in 1,000 different directions.

At the time, the word “cancer” hadn’t even crossed my mind. It wasn’t until that next day when the taxi dropped me off at the specialist that I knew my condition was serious. I remember stepping out of the taxi and looking up at the building which read “Head and Neck Cancer.” That’s when it hit me, and my head started racing in 1,000 different directions.

I’m not quite sure what it was about the office, but something just didn’t feel right. Maybe because the place was packed to the brim of patients waiting to be helped. Maybe it was the unwelcoming receptionist or the doctor who was so quick to assume it was cancer after only looking at my mouth for a total of 15 seconds. He gave no details or rationale behind his thinking, other than he was 90% confident. It was like they just wanted me out the door so they could break more bad news to whoever was next in line.

They ended up doing a biopsy that same day. Fast forward 3 hours later, I headed home trying to process what had just happened and how I was going to tell my wife, who was 7 months pregnant with our first child, that there was a strong likelihood I was about to be diagnosed with cancer. 

Upon breaking the potential news to my wife, we tried to remain calm and not jump to conclusions but a short 24 hours later, we received the results that I was diagnosed with stage 4 carcinoma of the mouth. And just like that, our worlds had been completely flipped upside down.

…[my mother-in-law] always stayed positive and strong for her daughters and family… some of the many qualities… my wife inherited… I don’t know where I’d be today without her.

I called my immediate family right away to give them the news and also spoke with my mother-in-law who at the time was a year and a half into her battle against pancreatic cancer. She was an incredible woman, to say the least. I always knew she was tough but seeing firsthand how hard she fought each day was truly amazing and put things into real perspective. It was not only how hard she fought, but also that she never complained. She always stayed positive and strong for her daughters and family. These are some of the many qualities that I’m very thankful my wife inherited because I don’t know where I’d be today without her.

So after speaking with my in-laws and my wife, they suggested I take my images from my PET/CAT scans and get a second opinion,and I’m sure glad I did. Two days after hearing the news, I was headed to what is now my current team of doctors. The moment I walked in, it had a completely different vibe and feel. My doctor looked at my images and one thing I appreciated was his straightforwardness.

He let me know how serious and rare my situation was and that the surgery as well as recovery would be very difficult, but if all went well, I’d have a shot at going back to living the high-quality lifestyle that I was used to living. I wasn’t going to be the Brock of old, but I’d still be able to do the things I enjoy doing in life and most importantly, be cancer-free. I would have the ability to be there for my daughter and watch her grow. I said, “sign me up and let’s get to it.”

The period that had elapsed from the day I was diagnosed to the time I was having surgery on October 21st was less than a month. My operation required 3 doctors. One to remove the tumor, one who took the bone from my left leg and foot to recreate my jaw and half of my tongue, and one who did the implants I was going to need when I eventually would be able to replace my whole bottom row of teeth. In total, it was a 13-hour procedure that led to 5 days in the ICU and another 3 days in the hospital. It was tough. 

I remember waking up from my surgery with a tracheostomy tube in my neck, feeding tubes through my nose, and my mouth stuffed with what felt like a bloody tennis ball which was actually my swollen tongue for the half they had to replace. There were clamps up and down my body that were stitched into my skin and neck. Oh, and my neck looked like I had a bowling ball attached to it from being so swollen. It was brutal. 

But I got through those days as tough as they were. When I finally made it home over a week later, I was right back in the hospital the following week but this time it was for my wife as she needed to be induced a month early. Luckily, the baby hospital was only a few blocks away as I was still in full recovery mode and could only walk at a snail’s pace.

As much as I hated being back in a hospital, there wasn’t a place in the world I would rather have been. Being there for my wife and watching her give birth to our beautiful and healthy baby girl, Emme was awesome. It made everything I just went through all worth it. Both mommy and baby came through as healthy and beautiful as ever. I wouldn’t have traded that moment in time for anything in the world.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. Not only to future outcomes for yourself, but it can have a huge impact on others.

Now, going back to my recovery. It was tough. The good news was that about 3 weeks after surgery, my doctor was given all the test results from my procedure. As nervous as my wife was going into that appointment (I honestly didn’t even know he was about to tell us the results as my wife decided to hold off on that until the doctor walked in), everything came back showing no signs of cancer. They tested my entire neck and lymph nodes, mouth, and everything. Boy was that a relief. I did, however, need a heavy treatment of radiation and while chemotherapy was not required, I chose to do it as it could only help prevent this ugly disease from coming back. 

So for 6 weeks straight, I went every morning at 8 o’clock to get radiation to my head and neck. Chemotherapy was only required once a week. So every Tuesday I’d go spend 6 hours getting that done and then walk across town to get my radiation. Before going into surgery, I was 160 lbs and when radiation had hit its peak on my body, I had gotten all the way down to 98 lbs. It was frightening. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, it was that tough. 

They say the average age of someone who gets diagnosed with my type of condition is somewhere in their early seventies. I was 37, which meant they knew my body could recover a lot quicker than most others. However, what that also meant was they really did a number on the radiation to make sure the cancer wouldn’t come back. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it makes sense now. 

My last day of radiation was January 21st. It was a Monday, and I will never forget the day as it was also unfortunately the same day as my mother-in-law’s funeral. I’ve never been so filled with mixed emotions in my life. On the one hand, you’re happy you made it through it, but on the other, I was crushed that my mother-in-law had passed away. It was just heartbreaking to see my wife, who was so close to her mom, go through the pain of not only my situation but now also her mother’s. I felt hopeless and I wasn’t even able to attend, as my doctors didn’t want me at risk with Covid and how fragile I was at the time. It was awful. 

The one thing I kept reminding myself of is how hard she fought every day, how hard my wife was fighting to keep our family afloat, and the beautiful, healthy baby girl I had sitting in front of me. These are what kept me going. The one thing my mother-in-law wanted most before she passed was to meet her granddaughter. The fact that my daughter came a month early was almost a blessing in disguise because she was able to spend a couple of weeks with her and I knew that meant everything to her. So for that, I was extremely grateful.

Being a father is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me and I’ll never lose sight of that even with all the turmoil.

You need something to fight for and look forward to, to help get you through that dark tunnel. For me, it was wanting to be there for my daughter and watch her grow. To be the best father I could possibly be to her and the best husband I could be to my wife. I know it may have seemed like my life was in freefall, but I never looked at it that way. I always looked at it as this is the beginning of my life with my family. That’s what kept me pushing through all the tough sleepless nights, the enduring pain, and the aftermath effects of what cancer took from me. 

Following my operation, I had two more surgeries: one to wire my prosthetic teeth in place and my lower jaw, and the other to remove the metal plate that came loose from my first surgery. The metal plate ended up sticking out of my neck and you could see the sharp end of it. I spent over 100 different days that following year at the doctor’s getting checked up on or trying to fix something. Sometimes with multiple appointments on the same day. To this day, I still can’t eat solid food nor is my speech the same. It may never be. 

To make matters worse, just recently my mouth started bleeding out of nowhere, so I of course went to get it looked at. Lo and behold, the CAT scan revealed that the bone they took from my left leg wasn’t holding well due to all the radiation. I’m now going to need to go back in for another major surgery as they are going to take a new healthy bone from my right leg and replace the old one. It is basically the same procedure I had in the beginning minus the tumor removal and the radiation. It’s been a rough past couple of days, to say the least.I’m surprised I was able to finish this story to be quite honest, but I am and I’m going to get through this next surgery. It’s going to be one heck of a ride again that I was hoping I’d never have to experience, but it must be done. 

Listen, there’s not a perfect way to go about dealing with cancer or the recovery from it. Cancer is a sick, sick, awful, disgusting disease that no one, not anyone should have to experience. But, for those who do, I first wish you nothing but good health and a fast long-lived recovery. Surround yourself with people who care deeply for you and who you know will be there fighting with you through the ugliest of times. My wife has been incredible beyond words. My family and closest friends, although on the opposite side of the country, have been there every step of the way with me, as well as calling and visiting. My in-laws have been more supportive than a son-in-law could ask for. In addition, my work companions who, just like the rest, have stuck with me from the beginning and no doubt will continue to be there for me.

‘A positive attitude may not solve all our problems but that is the only option we have if we want to get out of the problems we are in.’

And last thing, there are going to be a lot of bad days. More bad than good in the beginning, unfortunately. But it’s so important to keep a good attitude because that is the one thing you can control. I’m not saying you have to be happy every day. You’re more than allowed to be upset and get mad at times, but do your best to have a positive outlook as much and as often as you can. I think that’s the best advice I can give. Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. Not only to future outcomes for yourself, but it can have a huge impact on others. I read a quote a while back that’s always stuck with me, “A positive attitude may not solve all our problems but that is the only option we have if we want to get out of the problems we are in.”

So instead of sitting around and asking yourself “Why me? Why this? Why that?” Instead, look at all the positive things. As many ugly days as I’ve had over the past 2-½ years, I’d do it all over again (and I’m actually about to) if it meant my daughter is going to be as beautiful and as healthy as she is. Being a father is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me and I’ll never lose sight of that even with all the turmoil that’s tried to be a distraction along the way. Not to mention, I’m still to this day, C-free (knock on wood). So for that, I consider myself extremely fortunate and lucky.