Gabby’s Cancer Journey

Gabby // 30 Stories Campaign™ // Oral Cancer Awareness

I found a lump on my tongue that appeared tiny, but it persisted. I thought, “It can’t be important. It will go away.” However, it did not go away. So I took a trip to the ENT specialist just to be sure and hopefully rule out something sinister. I hoped for nothing worrisome, but one never knows. Unfortunately, this is where I set sail on my cancer journey.

While at my doctor’s office, they discovered a problem. As a result, my life suddenly changed. Oftentimes, a person might have their test results come back “uncertain and abnormal.” This usually means additional tests are in order. However, my doctor used the word “cancer” with absolute certainty. Fear enveloped me. My stomach dropped. My chest felt heavy. But my doctor reassured me that everything would work out. He explained my treatment plan in great detail. 

The security and safety I received… did more than reassure me of my health—I felt powerful and strong.

At the beginning of my cancer journey, I told myself, “Stay smart and strong. Build a good team!” I am so grateful I did my research and sought out the best team I could find. I did not have to second guess my decision. 

“Try not to worry”, my doctor said. “We have a treatment and it should go well.” The security and safety I received from them at that moment did more than reassure me of my health—I felt powerful and strong.

My priorities changed… I gained a greater appreciation for life.

My priorities changed as a result of having cancer. I could no longer speak like I used to and because of my surgery, my life changed overall. So, I had to adapt and make different life choices. I changed my eating habits, I overcame my fear, and I even changed my career. Through this, I gained a greater appreciation for life.

Looking back, I realize I needed to value my life more. The looming thought that I could lose my life to this illness changed my overall outlook—I felt vulnerable and feared death. I am glad for the ways in which it has changed my life for the better. In fact, I even consider myself lucky to have walked away with these wins. I know not everyone feels this way, or may have the chance to reflect on the positive outcomes from such an experience.

Each time I conquered another challenge, I felt rewarded with great strength.

The difficult times during my cancer brought on some of the hardest moments of my life. But I decided to overcome these struggles. Each time I conquered another challenge, I felt rewarded with great strength. Strength in knowing that my next effort may not feel as mentally or physically straining. Strength in knowing that positive things lie ahead. Instead of feeling overwhelmingly powerless against a treatment or a task I had to perform differently due to the changes from my cancer, I felt strength in knowing my own power. 

Nearly three years ago, I couldn’t imagine the toll cancer would take on my mental health. My condition gripped my thoughts and I experienced immense feelings of anxiety and panic. I was consumed with thinking about when cancer would take my life from me.

Brick by brick, I dismantled the walls that I had created to shield myself.

It could happen in a minute’s time, next week, next month, or never. I didn’t know whether the unknown was the scariest part of all or a blessing in disguise. 

Surprisingly, the unknown provided me with an infinite amount of time to reflect on all the walls that I had built around me as barriers of self-protection. Brick by brick, I dismantled the walls that I had created to shield myself. In so doing, I came to understand the strength that lies within me. My strength allows me to survive, to thrive, and to push forward. 

Nowadays, I turn to these thoughts when I wake up each morning. How can I push myself further to unlock my potential? In what way can I stretch myself farther? How can I remove every self-limiting narrative that I associated with my identity connected to cancer? 

I choose to no longer fixate on repressive thoughts… I try to accept circumstances for what they are…

I choose to no longer fixate on repressive thoughts and potential hurdles that might arise in the future. Instead, I try to accept circumstances for what they are at that moment. I know that any pain that I endure will make me stronger. 

This doesn’t mean that I don’t understand the gravity of my situation. On the contrary, I realize there are still moments I have yet to experience and feelings I will need to contend with. By embodying a commanding mindset, I hope to reap the rewards of resilience and in turn, comfort. Comfort in doing the simple things I used to, especially speaking and eating.

I hope this serves as a reminder… You’re strong, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Not every day is as triumphant as the one before. However, with each new day there exists the possibility to walk an easier path, to speak better and to restore my sense of taste. The burden of anxiety no longer feels as heavy to carry. 

I hope this serves as a reminder to whoever may need it: you are not too weak, nor are you a burden. You’re strong, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.