If you or a loved one has been recently diagnosed with cancer or there has been a change in disease or treatment you may be thinking “How do I tell my children?”…“What do I tell them?” …or even… “Do I tell them?”
Talking with your children about difficult topics is hard. It’s important to be honest. However, following your child’s lead about what is important to them can help you to know what and how much to tell your children. Creating a space where children and teens can feel supported, loved, and free to ask questions can be as simple as taking a walk together, playing a game, or snuggling on the couch.
Tips for Having Difficult but Important Conversations with Your Kids
1. Be Honest & Follow Your Child’s Lead
Telling your children the truth helps them trust that you and other adults in their life will be honest, no matter how difficult the topic. Offer information incrementally and welcome their questions. Use their questions as a guide for how much, what and when you should continue the conversation.
2. Talk with Your Children
Choose non-threatening times to talk about difficult or emotional topics. Choose times that offer children an outlet if the conversation gets to be too much. Going for walks, reading a story, or during a quiet activity are all times that allow children the opportunity to step back from the conversation to think about what has been said and begin to process the information.
3. Allow Your Children to Process at Their Pace
When talking with your children, don’t be surprised if they don’t respond or react right away. Children need the opportunity to digest difficult information. Allow them that time then come back to it and ask if they have any questions.
In this interview, Larry shares how he revealed the truth of his stage 4 squamous cell cancer diagnosis to his young sons. His eldest, Jaime surprised Larry with his response. Parents naturally want to shield their children from as much as they can. But at some point, the whole story will be told.
4. Have Confidence in Yourself
You know your children and their strengths best. Trust your instincts when providing new and/or difficult information. Although you may not be able to protect them all the time you can help them learn the skills they need to face new challenges.
The Cancer Journey for Parents
How do you tell your child that someone close to them has cancer? What do you say about treatments, or prognosis? Here are some articles that can help.
5. Have Confidence in Your Child’s Ability to Understand & Cope
Children are incredibly resilient. Have confidence in the lessons they have learned already and the ability to apply them to a new situation.
6. Keep Talking
Illness is a process. As it continues to change and your family with it, make sure that everyone is still communicating. Children may need information reiterated as they grow and develop or as new information and treatments arise.Use these opportunities to talk and reflect, supporting your children’s growth and resilience.
Make a Family Crest
Creating a family crest can help everyone identify the strengths of each person in the family and/or what makes your family special.
