When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer it’s hard to know exactly what your children know or think they know. Due to a child’s active imagination children will fill in the gaps and make up information leading to confusion, misconceptions, and misinformation. Below are some tools and strategies to support children’s learning and understanding by building a bridge from overwhelming and scary to manageable and supportive.
Early Childhood (2–6 years)
Children at this stage are curious, imaginative and looking for ways to test out new skills. They can understand the importance of a loved one’s illness but will need more information about what that means. Play is how young children learn about and share their understanding or misunderstanding of difficult and new topics.
- Use simple, but honest language when explaining a diagnosis to help children become familiar with unfamiliar terminology.
- Clear any misconceptions such as:
- Cancer is not contagious.
- You did not cause it.
- Is not a punishment.
- Books, toys, and dolls can help bridge new experiences in a safe way that supports children’s understanding.
- Allow children to ask questions, but respect their desire to not see medical equipment. Its okay to say you don’t know an answer to a question.
Middle Childhood (7–12 years)
This middle group benefits from hands on experiences, analogies, and strategies that scaffold difficult and new information. The family is still the main source of comfort and security however, during middle childhood, children are also influenced and engaged with peers and school as they develop their sense of self.
- Ask your children if they would like to be involved and how? Some suggestions might be: Telling a joke a day, drawing pictures for hospital rooms, or making a playlist for treatment days. This will support your child’s need to be included, feel competent, and build self esteem.
- Review books, websites and videos together. This offers children opportunities to hear from others who are experiencing a loved one’s illness and reinforcing that they are not alone.
- Provide clear concise information through open ended questions. This allows you to determine what your child knows and what they want to know, and to clear up any misconceptions.
Ideas to Drive Home with This Age Group
- Cancer is not contagious.
- You didn’t cause it.
- It’s not a punishment.
Adolescence (13+ years)
Adolescents are developing their own identity. Teens have the ability to reason and converse about illness, mortality, and the meaning of life. They will more often refer to friends for support however, family is still the major influence. The onset of an illness may cause conflict for teens as they struggle to develop their own independence but recognize the needs at home.
- Be honest with your teen about loved one’s illness. This lets your teen know that you will be honest with them when you can but also that you want them to be honest with you.
- Try varied modes of communication to let your teen know you are thinking about them and to keep open the lines of communication.
- Encourage your teen to continue participation in activities. Dances, music, sports, hanging out with friends will provide them with a physical outlet for emotions and energy.
- Encourage relationships with friends. Accept that your teen may prefer friends over family to hangout with.
- Some teens may benefit from a support group.
The Cancer Journey for Parents
How do you tell your child that someone close to them has cancer? What do you say about treatments, or prognosis? Here are some articles that can help.
