Some children will have outbursts that seem to overwhelm them emotionally and physically while others may retreat into silence. However, all children experience strong emotions about a loved one’s diagnosis, they just may manifest in different ways. Even children in the same family may demonstrate feelings differently. As caregivers, it’s important to help kids identify those feelings and tools for coping with them. The following is a list of tips and strategies than can help caregivers navigate and support children with all their big emotions.
Infants
Babies need consistency. It provides them with the most basic need of trust. When a parent is diagnosed with cancer its important support attachment and bonding.
- During inpatient stays or long days of treatment, find consistent caregivers who can provide your infant with a supportive environment and routines.
- Babies often respond to the familiar scent of a loved one. In your absence provide the infant with a t-shirt that smells like you. This can be the shirt you wore the previous day or something you slept in.
- Create videos or audio of you singing lullabies or reading a story. The familiar sound of your voice will calm and soothe your baby when they are missing you.
- When home allow others to support you as you care for your baby. Hold, feed, and nurture your baby while considering your own physical and emotional needs.
Early Childhood (2–6 years)
- Children this age may have “big” feelings that are difficult for them to put into words. They may become frustrated during daily routines like eating, dressing, and playing. Name your child’s emotions and validate those feelings. Statements like “I can see you are very frustrated” or “This is really making you upset” identifies the feelings and lets children know their feelings are okay. For some children, it helps to hold and hug them through these big feelings.
- Offer outlets for energy: active play, sports, yelling. Create a safe space for children to throw pillows, yell, or dance it out to music.
- Accept your child’s need to be younger. Many children may experience increased separation anxiety, clinginess, or lose ground in potty training.
Middle Childhood (7–12 years)
- Provide ways for your children to express their emotions. Journaling, art, movement are strategies that offer a safe space to share feelings, fears, and hopes.
- Children may feel ill or need to stay home from school. This can be a need to feel close to you or a manifestation of feelings.
Adolescence (13+ years)
- Accept that your teen may have strong feelings to situations or go “deep.” They may express a strong sense of “unfairness” and/or want to discuss the meaning of life.
- Identify trusted adults that your teen can speak with about a loved one’s illness. These can be teachers, guidance counselors, family friends or relatives.
- Watch for changes in behavior. Changes in grades, drugs or alcohol use or spending time with a new friend group. These may be signs your child needs professional help.
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