It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, angry, sad, or even embarrassed by the visible changes in your loved one. Let’s go over some tools for talking about and managing those changes.
Feeling Overwhelmed
Sometimes the changes feel like they just keep coming. Just when you get used to seeing a loved one without hair, they may lose or gain a lot of weight, have skin changes from radiation, or feel more tired and nauseated from chemotherapy. It may seem like too much too fast, making it difficult to get used to all the physical changes and process your emotional reactions. The last thing you want to do is make your loved one feel worse.
What You Can Do
It’s good to talk it out. Talk with someone you trust, like a family member or counselor, or check to see if there are support groups in your community for teens whose parents have cancer. Talking with others may help you feel less alone and give you a safe space to work through your own feelings.
You might try going for a walk or riding a bike. Physical exercise can help you get those feelings back under control, so you can talk about them. Or write them down. Journaling provides a safe space to jot down these feelings so you can think about them later, one at a time.
Anger
Feeling angry that a loved one has cancer is a common response. Take some time to think about what you are angry about. Be aware of the difference between feeling angry that a loved one has cancer and directing anger at your loved one for something they cannot control.
What You Can Do
Allow yourself the space to feel angry. Find outlets through music, physical exercise or art that help you release and express it. Find trusted friends or adults you can talk to about your feelings. Approach these conversations as a way to better understand your own reactions and avoid taking them out on your loved one.
A Spot Just For Kids
Join Hank the Monkey with his friends as they learn about cancer and how to cope with it through free stories, games and activities.
Join Hank the Monkey with his friends as they learn about cancer and how to cope with it.
Sadness
Feeling sad about changes in your life is expected. You might miss the way things used to be. You might be unhappy that your loved one is experiencing something difficult or even painful. You may find yourself easily brought to tears or wanting to be alone. It’s okay to feel this way.
What You Can Do
Art, music and journaling are all ways to provide space for your sadness. Don’t rush yourself through feelings, but allow yourself the time to experience them and release them. However, if your sadness is so extreme that you find yourself crying unexpectedly, acting withdrawn, or not wanting to participate in activities, it might be time to talk to a trusted adult and ask for guidance. Feeling sad is normal, but when it takes over your life, that can be an indication you need some help.
Embarrassment
No one wants to admit they feel embarrassed by a loved one’s illness. Changes in the body due to treatment or surgery can make a person bald or make them lose or gain weight. They may have a facial deformity. They may be unable to speak or eat. You may find yourself avoiding public spaces with your loved one to prevent answering questions or receiving looks and stares from others. At times, you may feel guilty about your embarrassment. But supporting a loved one through illness can be intense, and these experiences and feelings are understandable.
What You Can Do
Give yourself some time to adjust. Choose safe spaces to venture out together in advance. Discuss with your loved one how they would like to respond to unwanted questions or stares. Talking about it gets feelings out in the open and makes it possible to face them together.
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