6 Tips for Parents to Tell Their Kids About Cancer
Parents often wonder how to tell their kids about cancer. This article offers six tips on how to best prepare and inform your children of your diagnosis.
Sharing news of a cancer diagnosis with your children can be incredibly challenging. By keeping communication open, you will let your children know you are available to talk, ask questions, and share concerns. Remember, this is a long journey, and as your children grow and change, the information provided to them will need to grow and change with them. This post will help you get started on how to tell your children about a cancer diagnosis.
1. Prepare Yourself for Their Reaction
Before you tell your kids about your cancer diagnosis, prepare yourself by understanding that kids react in many ways when they hear that a parent has cancer. You may expect your child to experience various emotions, including sadness, confusion, anger, and many more. Some children may instead resume playing or doing their homework, indicating they may need more time to process the information. Try to understand and support your children as they work through their feelings. Talking openly and honestly with them can help them understand what’s going on.
In this interview, Larry shares how he revealed the truth of his stage 4 squamous cell cancer diagnosis to his young sons. His eldest, Jaime surprised Larry with his response. Parents naturally want to shield their children from as much as they can. But at some point, the whole story will be told.
2. Talk to Your Kids in a Way That They Will Understand
You may want your kids to understand what’s going on, but also worry about scaring or worrying them. It can be tough to find the right words to help them process the difficult news. Use familiar language for them, and explain how it might affect them. Try framing the conversation around their everyday experiences and feelings. The age of your children can play a significant role in your phrasing and the level of detail you give them. Remember, this conversation will come up again and will evolve. As your kids get older, the language you use can and should change.
3. Answer Any Questions Your Kids May Have
Kids have a natural curiosity, and when they see their parents going through a tough time—like cancer—they will likely have lots of questions. These questions can range from the basics, such as “what is cancer,” to more complicated topics, such as “how do you treat (or get rid of) cancer,” or even to more practical questions, such as “can you still play with me” or “can you attend my school concert?” Answering these questions genuinely will allow your kids to feel comfortable coming to you with any concerns or questions they might have in the future. You may not have all the answers, but you can share what you know, and reassure them that you’re getting the best possible care.
4. Let Your Kids Know it is Not Their Fault
Let your kids know they are not responsible for your illness. Telling them that it’s not their fault can help them cope, and take some burden off their shoulders. Additionally, kids have anxiety about “catching” cancer from their loved one. Explaining that cancer is not contagious can help put their mind at ease. Reassuring your kids through both your words and actions can help strengthen your loving bond.
The Cancer Journey for Parents
How do you tell your child that someone close to them has cancer? What do you say about treatments, or prognosis? Here are some articles that can help.
5. Encourage Your Kids to Share Their Feelings With You
It’s normal for kids to feel scared, confused, and uncertain about what’s happening, so it’s crucial for you to encourage them to share their feelings with you. You may not solve all their problems, but simply talking and giving them a shoulder to lean on will help reassure them that they’re not alone. Letting them know that it’s okay to feel whatever they are feeling will help them process and cope with what’s going on. Don’t hesitate to start a dialogue or conversation – it could make a difference for your whole family.
6. Don’t Put Too Much Pressure on Yourself
Every child is different, and will react differently to learning about cancer. What’s most important is honesty and providing accurate information in an understandable way. It is normal to feel overwhelmed, and it is okay to make mistakes or ask for help. There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to telling kids about cancer. Take the time to figure out what will work best for your family.
Many resources exist to help children cope with a parent’s cancer diagnosis, in addition to resources to help parents diagnosed with cancer tell their children. With love, understanding, and support, you and your family will get through this tough time together.
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